When someone you love speaks of the future, do you expect their dreams to include you? Do you expect to hear a “We” instead of just “Me”.

Tonight over the phone we spoke of what was his “woes” .  Not surprising that in the first 48 minutes of the conversation there was a void of “how was your day?”.  About 1 hr consumed by his dreams, his fears, his woes and where will he retire those toes. I hung up the phone saddened by what continuously played thru my mind “Me” “My” “I”  and beating myself up by what I supported, essentially allowed myself to be the fool.(again…).  Isn’t it funny how one little letter can change your whole world?

Back pre PA school I worked in a consulting role for system development.  I was encouraged to take a development class and in the class we were asked to draw a picture of us in 5 years.  When drawing we were asked to visualize ourselves in both career but in life, space, family.  I left class that day with an action plan to get back to school and well, to keep running.

So tonight I hung up the phone and I began to sketch in my mind what I want my life to look like in 5 years.   Tonight I begin to see myself at the beach with a drink in hand forever single, laughing and well 5 lbs overweight due to my wine habits.  Up until tonight, at about 6:45 pm I’d  always thought five years from now we’d be swishing down Birds of Prey all winter, summering on Nantucket and spending the “off seasons” cliff diving.   Peter pan and his FOMO can now take off and search for that holy grail while I face a reality which I enjoy.  Being “hospital funny”  and loving carbs isn’t all that bad.